If you do not want to rebuild trust with him, you do not have to do that. You have a right to be happy and to take the steps you need to have a fulfilling life. Trust is essential for a relationship to be healthy and if you find yourself unable to trust the person that you are with, it may be time to reevaluate if this the right relationship for you. Hello, I went snooping through my BF phone and seen where he has been sexting his ex girlfriend his first love for months.
Our sex life is great and he is telling me the same thing as her! He has even bought a plane ticket to fly her to the hotel he will be at when he goes out of town! I have relocated to his town with my kids and know no one! I love him so much and this is his only flaw. But, he is mad at me for looking through his phone. What do I do? Please help! Could counseling even help?
Thanks for reaching out. Repeated cheating and refusing to take responsibility for unhealthy behavior can be a red flag for emotional abuse, so I would encourage you to check out our page on that here. Hello,i have been with my wife for 17yrs this June. The first i was mean and jealous but i changed,she gave me a chance to.
Well,a few weeks ago i was at work and i get a phone call,its my wife and i say hello,hello and nothing but as im about to hang up,i hear talking, to who though,i stay on the line and listen and listen for about 30mns. All the way home until i pulled up,still standing at the door she is saying ,i need 24hrs to cancely coumseling session for depression ,so u have to give me time and besides hes forcing me to go his families for easter this Sunday.
I was and am devasted,i confronted her and of course it was nothing she said but after a few minutes, she admitted to have been seeing him for a few months. So please tell me why i should give her another chance or forgive her,please??
Choosing whether to give the relationship another chance is something that only you can decide, and this article is certainly not meant to suggest that you have to do that. If you are receiving pressure to stay in the relationship or have other concerns that you would like to talk about, we would definitely be happy to speak with you about that. Hi, Recently, I had an unplanned one night stand with my good girlfriend while her husband stood there watching us. I am a female but I am not bisexual I am heterosexual.
We both happened to be under the influence but her husband was not. I did not have sex with her husband. It was something that I would never do if I was sober. I did not plan this cheating. I love my boyfriend and is happy with him. Is there anything you can help me with. It sounds like a tough situation and one that might be best addressed by talking with you directly. We would be happy to talk with you and help you determine some possible next steps. My partner and I have been together for 6 years, married for only 8 months. I just found out last week that she has been having an emotional affair with a coworker of hers.
She says that they only kissed but she has feelings for her. I initially kicked her out of the house. After a couple days she came back to talk. We have decided to try to save our marriage, taking it one day at a time. She says she ended it. I guess my biggest issue is that she works with her. She is with almost everyday.
I just feel such anger, hurt, and embarrassment. I do love my wife, and up until I found out about this we were discussing me getting pregnant. I still want it, but I am just so scared. Any input would be appreciated. That sounds like such a difficult thing to go through, to lose trust in your wife like that and then to be worried that it might happen again. We would be happy to talk with you and help you figure out next steps and how to find emotional safety in your relationship after cheating has happened.
That sounds like such a difficult thing to go through after having been together so long. My partner and I have been together almost two years now, and I found out that he was cheating on me. The relationship was really good, and I have always been honest to him. I caught him first on a dating app that was on his phone. He begged me to forgive him and that he was never going to do this again.
I was really confused as in why would he do that, and I read threads online about that, saying that it could be out of boredom or also that he likes to look. The second time I caught him was when he went back on it again, but this time, met up with the person and had sex.
At this point I remained really confused as I had a huge feeling that he was doing something behind my back. It was a big deal, he went for help to his best friend, who also came to see me and talked to me, and made me understand things without inducing me into my decision. So I called him and started getting worked up and told him to take his stuff and leave the house, he started acting stupid by pretending he didnt know what I was talking about then hung up. From that moment I knew something was going on and that it was him on the app.
I then told him that he needs to stop lying in order not to trap himself in a lie again. Im trying to move forward, and I also went on dating websites after the whole situation, as much as I didnt want to, but felt the need to please. I told him that I was on those site after couple days because I felt guilty and he said that he understands as Im hurt etc..
What a stressful, hurtful and perplexing situation for you to be in. It is never okay for a partner to cheat in their relationship. You deserve to be in a healthy, loving, committed and respectful relationship.
Cheating is a violation of trust and a form of emotional abuse. The constant cheating and arguing suggests that your relationship is an unhealthy and abusive one. Healthy relationships are based on trust and it seems like there is a lack of trust in your relationship. Figuring out how to build trust in a relationship after cheating can be a challenge. It sounds like your partner has made up a lot of excuses for his repeated decisions to cheat on you. It is not clear if he has stopped cheating and accepted responsibility for his actions. It seems like you are thinking about breaking up with him.
Breaking up is a very personal decision and you know your personal circumstances best. I am going to recommend that you take a look at these related blog posts for guidance: Should We Break Up? If you want to talk in more detail, please get in touch. We hope to hear from you soon. I need advice. I recently found texts my fiancee sent to 2 other women. Thank you so much for reaching out.
This sounds like a very emotionally complicated situation and one that might best be addressed by talking with you directly. Ok, i have been married for 6 years. We have a 5 year old boy. I work offshore 28 days on and 28days off. I recently found texts on my wifes phone and found that she has been sleeping with an old friend of mine for at least 8 months while i was at work.
Some of the texts was bad mouthing me, saying she loved him and missed him when i was home. Now that she has been caught, she is so sorry and says she knows she did a stupid thing and wants to prove it to me that she loves and wants to be with me. I do love her soo much and want my family together. My question is, how do i ever get this out of my head!
Its killing me while im at work. Im not home to see what she is doing so how do i ever trust her again? I keep telling myself she is doing this because she knows she could loose her son, and everything else. I desperatly want to forgive and move on to trusting her, but when i talk to her, when i touch her,all i think about is them! Please how do i get this out of my head? The betrayal was too much and they feel that they can never fully trust that person again.
My name is Rachel and I am 18 years old.
teampdepenfreghoe.ga My boyfriend is We have been together for 3 years, and about 3 different times I have caught him on dating sites with other females talking to them, flirting, and saying how he would like to sleep with them. The last time I found one was about 4 months ago. This leads me to believe that he has been on dating sites for pretty much the whole course of our relationship. I feel like our relationship means nothing to him sometimes. He is not very affectionate to me anymore and seems only wrapped up in playing video games.
I try not to bring it up because it only leads to fights and gets us no where. He had tried to blame the dating site on his friend and a few months later when I found another one he came clean and said it was his, even though I already knew. It sounds like your partner has really hurt you and violated the boundaries of the relationship multiple times.
Only you can decide if you feel like you may choose to give him your trust again at some point. From your description, it sounds like you are generally unhappy in the relationship at this time. Even if you are unhappy in a relationship, breakups can still be really upsetting and feeling the loss of the good parts of the relationship is very real.
Deciding whether or not you want to breakup is really hard. Here is an article that has relationship checklists to help you decide whether to stay or go. I encourage you to practice lots of self-care during this stressful time. If you would like to reach out to an advocate about your situation, they can help you go over it and come up with different options. I cheated on my guy after he broke up with me because i thought all we had was intimacy. He was very serious but den we broke up after 5 months.
He left me saying there was no future. But we used to meet and things still were intimate. This happened times. Nd then wen i thought that it was finally over i cheated on him. And he does love me but is hurt. Says he doesnt want me at all Please help. Because i love this guy. It sounds like, when you say you cheated, you actually thought that the previous relationship had ended; once a relationship has ended, the boundaries that were established during that relationship are no longer fair to apply to yourself or the other person. It sounds like there is a lot going on and like there could be a lot to talk about with a peer advocate—for example, boundaries, trust, mutual respect, and healthy relationship dynamics.
I would definitely encourage you to reach out and chat with one of our peer advocates any time. Understandbly, some people believe that a gay relationship can be different. I need advise as, in my situation, I feel humiliated. Back at the beginning of last year when I asked my partner to be my boyfriend, we were happy. But a few months later, I found rather explicit texts on his phone. For me it brought a sense of paranoia into what could happen next. It turns out that though he met this guy, nothing ever happened, but only three months into the relationship, it started to eat away at me.
This best friend of his was meant to be moving away to Australia, in a week that all changed. I can only believe that he himself has triggered my episode. Because of this episode, I became hurtful, I snapped at him, but I always made it clear to him that I loved him and that I would never be unloyal. When I said that I wanted to break up, he suggested a break. I said no at first but warmed to the idea as it could help. I know that my partner and this guy are in fact best friends, however they slept together, possibly more than once.
Is it worth me staying with someone who has the ability to trigger my bipolar episodes to make me look crazy, then cheat and try to humiliate me. Or is it better for me to ask him to cut out the person which caused all the doubt and mistrust in order to build from scratch. Please help me decide, do I continue with torment. Or do i cut all losses. I love this man…even though I may have punched him for doing what he did.
Please, help me. Your situation sounds very complex and may be something that would be best addressed by talking with you directly. I cought my wife cheating on me with a number of men on the internet. She confirmed that she has been contacting men but has not met or been physical with any. I love her very much and want to make it work and am going to see her for the first time today after being away. I dont want to do the wrong thing and wondered what the best steps are to get back together and be stronger than ever.
She does not want to see a councelor so well have to do it ourselves. I am nervous about seeing her now for the first time since she confirmed as we have not spoken only texted? Do we talk? Do we hug and talk? Do I open up? Do I ask her to open up and explain why and what she has done? Do I tell her how I feel? Should I be asking all these questions or her? I am quite desperate to have her back, should I show this or try and be strong cool and try not to be too emotionnel as I am so greatful to her for not leaving me.
I feel she needs a stronger Man and that this could be the base of it all as I am too boring and gentle and maybe I give her too much. We have been together for over 20years and the last 2 months has been wonderfull and I thought we were reconnecting only to find out that it is during these 2 months that she has started these cyber affaires.
So I am worried that now that I found her out that she might be very sad and depressed without the other men. I just want her to be happy like she has been the last 2 months but without the other guys just with me. Can you help? She does not want to talk about it and wants to put in the past.
She says she sorry never ment to hurt me and wants to stay with me. Now I have found out through other means that she most likely has had a physical affaire and is most likely still in touch with them. Everytime I want to speak to her she says she needs time to think and has a nervouse smille on her face. She is still not showing any emotion or regret she does not seem to care and is asking when I am next leaving the country for work. I explian that she needs to tell me everything as I want to forgive her and then we can move on but she wont even discuss it? She prefers too sleep in a seperate bed and prefers to message me than talk.
I want to take her back because I love her so much but shes not letting me in. Shes still texting the guys that I am sure but I want it to come from her and not force her to stop as I want her to be happy. I dont want to start spying on her.. Should I leave her for a while to think it over? What to do? We have 2 young adorable kids? They would support me i know but worried it would stress her out even more. Your situation sounds very tough and emotionally complex, and may be best addressed by talking with you directly.
A healthy relationship depends on open and respectful communication. I cheated on my husband for the 2nd time. He is always abusive to me, always has been, especially when he is drunk. He is never at home, comes home drunk, calls me names, hits me, swears ugly words infront of kids. I stopped the affair.
Then I started the 2nd one, I felt bad about it and I stopped. He found out about it a year later when I was expecting our last born. He hates me, denying paternity for our baby, but he says he wants us to try and fix the marriage for the sake of our other 2 kids we have 2kids. Even though we are trying to fix our marriage, he is still abusive, goes out and drink and comes home spitting fire.
Calling me nasty names in front of our small children. Shoving me around, calling me a bad mother who sleeps around. I want a divorce now. Abuse is a pattern of behavior used to gain and maintain power and control in a relationship, and abusive people often look for things that they can use against their partner to create a dynamic in the relationship where they get to control things.
But there is never an excuse for abuse. However you decide to move forward, please feel free to reach out. We would be happy to talk with you. When I confronted him he denied everything and over a course of two weeks he said he married the wrong person and vows meant nothing. He said he was so angry with me but was not talking to anyone. He completing distance himself from me and the kids. About 4 weeks later found out it was someone he worked with. So he was confronted again, and he said it was over and done.
Once again found out he was still involved with this person. Nothing sexual or physical he said. We did counsel with someone for many months. But through that he never wanted to say what they spoke about or anything. In counsel he stated he is committed to me and the family and he was wrong. That relationship has ended but I find myself wanting to know what they talked about for hours and why he continued this after I found out the first time.
So how I can I look over that and try to forget it. Thank you. Thank you for reaching out to us. Having someone you care about break your trust is a very painful thing and it can take time to heal. As much as his cheating hurt, he still has the right to privacy and to not share what he talked about. You always deserve to have a partner that you can trust and to be able to have a relationship founded on respect. Everyone is different in how they heal and what they need to move past something like this.
If you are wanting to talk about how you can heal and move forward, you are welcomed to reach out to one of our advocates. I disagree with this post I am a 32 year old male and in a 12 year relationship. I hurt her to the point she resents me and has inner hate. The past 6 to 7 years I have been completely faithful and took advice and applied advice like you have in my relationship. What ended up happening was I worked harder then the one who was hurt she ended up cheating out of hate and used my past an excuse.
Is it possible to mend a relationship after cheating yes! I encourage anyone with the strength to leave whether they are the cheat or have been cheated to find someone who respects you and respect yourself is the most important thing. I think anyone who reads this post needs to realize what I realized … no emotionally healthy person is attracted to and stays in a relationship with a truly unhealthy person for any period of time… ever. The real posts we need to see are how to let go! If it were the easy to take some medicine to numb our pain and humiliation and move onwards.
I wish everyone going through pain the best of luck! Thank you for reaching out and sharing your thoughts of the post. For others, rebuilding trust and a healthy relationship can be possible. Both are completely valid and it really just comes down to each person in a relationship to decide what works for them. I recently found out my husband has been having affairs with other men.
I made the mistake of checking his phone, I honestly never touch it because I trusted him and loved him so immensely. But his attitude has changed recently so I decided to take a peep. I need some time because our whole relationship and marriage, I feel has been based on a lie. It may take time to see whether you feel that you can trust him fully again, and that can be a really tough period, so feeling that you can openly and honestly communicate with each other through that time is really important. We would be happy to talk with you about some options to take care of yourself and assess whether this is a relationship you feel ready to trust again.
They were never the same women and they were always women off craigslist. I mean I literally have no idea how many girls he was with and maybe it never got very far because I would find out and nip it in the bud before they actually had sex, but many women and men stated that they had been in contact with me and he was looking to hooked up, but they had never actually slept with him. I just need help to find ways to heal. Thank you for sharing your experience with us. Having someone you love betray your trust by cheating can be incredibly hurtful and I can hear that you are holding a lot of pain from these years.
He is the only one responsible for making these choices to cheat.
The idea of choosing to give someone your trust again after they have broken it can be scary because it requires making yourself vulnerable to potentially being hurt again. Whether or not you feel that you can choose to give him your trust again at some point has nothing to do with your ability to have a healthy and fulfilling relationship with someone.
Your wellbeing and happiness are so important! You deserve to have lots of support around this. If you would like to talk about your situation further, please feel free to contact our advocates directly. Forgiveness only gets you so far maybe if you leave some sense will come to this guy! All the best to you I hope you endure your pain and come out stronger! Being cheated on is a very difficult thing to go through, but it is possible to regain that trust and move on from that to have a healthy relationship if both parties are willing to put forth that effort to rebuild the trust.
He had a habit of leaving me to have sex with other women, and then coming back to me once he was done, because he knew I would always be there for him. The last time he did this he slept with my best friend, and I still have not been able to fully forgive him for that.
That was the final drop that made me leave him. However, I have known him from childhood. Even after everything he has done to me, I would still do anything for him. It is now three years since the last time he did it, and we have not been together since, we even dated other people in the meantime, but now we are trying again. The problem is that in those years we were apart he had casual sex with a girl he is still very close to.
I do not mind them being friends, but she is with him every waking moment and sleeps over almost every night. I truly believe he has changed, and I truly believe him when he says he does not want her, but this is hitting an instinctive nerve, and as we have a long distance relationship at present, it is hard to see him this close to his ex lover.
All I asked was that he tell her about us, and that he stopped letting her sleep over at his all the time. I never wished for them to stop being friends. Am I being out of line? Thanks for reaching out to us with your comment. Setting up boundaries that both partners agree to in a non-coercive way is part of a healthy relationship, and it sounds like you are ready to have that conversation with your partner. It sounds like you are doing everything possible to have a healthy relationship with him now, and that is hopeful to hear. It sounds like it might be helpful to talk through this further as well.
Hi, there! This might be a rather stupid question, but I have decided to try again with my boyfriend. However, my main consern now is how to break this to my family and friends… Everyone is telling me to stay away from him, because they know the hurt he inflicted on me.
If I tell them now that I have decided to try again, I will feel pathetic and weak, and I really doubt he will ever get along with my friends and family. Change is possible but extremely rare in an abusive partner, and it sounds like you have already done a lot of thinking to arrive at your decision; that decision is yours alone. Our contact information is included in the next paragraph.
It sounds like you are in a difficult position right now, not to mention an emotionally complicated situation. I love my boyfriend very much but am having a hard time with our relationship. He has been divorced and has 2 girls. I was around the girls and after this past Christmas, it stopped. He is afraid if she finds out he is in a relationship that she will get mad and not let him see them.
One with me and one with them. I asked if anything is still going on with him and his ex and he has repeatedly said no and that she could care less if he was dating anyone…. I know woman can be nasty but he also told me he was on a road trip with his son from a previous relationship, when he really brought the girls to Disney with the ex. I actually used to work with the ex wife years ago, so I know of her. Thank you for reaching out and sharing your story.
It sounds like you are experiencing a really stressful and upsetting situation, so I am glad that you did. Often it can take time for a parent to feel comfortable introducing their children to someone new, especially when they are unsure about the commitment and whether it is going to last. While it is completely fair that your partner wants to have a relationship with his children and their mother, it is definitely concerning that he continues to lie and omit the truth.
So from everything that you said, it sounds like he is neither communicating openly or behaving in a trustworthy way, and that can be really unhealthy. You were right to think that looking through his iPad was unhealthy also, and I am glad to hear you are not planning to do it further. Even in a relationship, each partner is still their own individual person and deserves to have privacy on social media, phones and things like that.
Whatever the reason for his behavior, you deserve to be with someone who is open with you about their feelings and respects you as a mutual partner. And he decided to be with someone else that we both know more him than me. Come to find out recently he admitted to me that he cheated on me with this same person while we were together now I have trust issues with him because all this time that I did asked him he said no.
Well today I was in the car and his friend different female called him wanted all of us to hang out and I did that before with him and he got with that person and that bothers me. While only you can make the choice to trust again, rebuilding a healthy relationship is something that takes both of you, and open and respectful communication is really important for that.
My fiancee and have been together for 4 years, engaged for 6 months and get married in 6 more. I just found out she cheated on me while I was at work. I confront her and at first she denied having sex with him. Then she finally admitted that she did one time. She said it only happened once about a month ago, she said it lasted 3 seconds, she stopped it and went in the bathroom and cried, then left. Especially after what she texted her friend saying one more time. She wants to work it out and she seems like she is putting forth an effort. How long will it last? But I have a stomach disease and was in a bad flare up for the past 6 months and she claims she thought I was faking.
Definitely was not. What do I do. That sounds like an upsetting and confusing situation. I can imagine that you are feeling hurt right now after you partner violated the boundaries of your relationship and broke your trust. How you are feeling after your partner betrayed your trust is completely valid. Only you can decide if you feel that you can give her your trust again at some point. That seems frustrating that she did not trust you to accurately share with her the state of your physical health.
If you would like, you can reach out to us directly and talk through your situation with one of our advocates. We are always here to support you through this stressful time. So I have been friends with my boyfriend for almost 3 years. We took things to another level like dating in January. I am bi polar and have depression. I learn to overcome it but it is very difficult. Now onto the bad stuff. I cheated on my boyfriend 6 times. Varying from kissing to intercoruse. I feel so disgusted with myself and worthless.
He still wants to be something though. He wants to see that over a 2 week period of not constantly being with each other could I actually fix things. I want to fix things. I have what I need right in front of me. I try to give him the answers on WHY but I cannnot come to a conclusion other than it was a huge mistake.
I want to fix things I want to change. I just need a good head on my shoulders and some great advice. And if anyone could help it would be great. I want to marry this man. No matter what. I want to have children to him. I just really need a few steps in a positive direction. Thank you,,. Thank you for reaching out and sharing your story with us.
I can hear that you are feeling confused and overwhelmed by the situation. Relationships can be really difficult to navigate without support. No matter what you are feeling, you are the only one that can be accountable for actions you did consensually. I encourage you to reach out with these concerns to us directly. An advocate can go over your situation with you, offer support and potentially connect you with helpful resources in your area. Hi, Do you have any suggestions for trust building exercises that a couple can do together? Or that I might do on my own? I live with my boyfriend. We are each divorced, neither of us have children, and we are in our late 40s.
This will help you during the actual talk. Ask him to talk when you feel ready.
Breakups are hard enough. Experiencing heartbreak because your boyfriend cheated on you is even harder. Read on to handle infidelity like a pro. Cheaters don't want to have sex as much with you anymore. They are always on the phone. They are suspicious of you, and constantly imply.
Invite him to meet you in a neutral location or somewhere you feel comfortable. Can we meet up at the Good Beans Cafe at 1 p. Explain your suspicions and why you feel that way. Is it true that you cheated? Tell him how his decision to cheat made you feel. Explain how you feel about what happened and why it hurt you so much. Say as much as you need to say to feel better. I trusted you with my heart, and you broke it into a million pieces. Give him a chance to explain himself and try to understand his side.
Method 2. Give yourself permission to grieve. Finding out your boyfriend may be cheating hurts a lot, so let out your pain. Give yourself as much time as you need to grieve. This will help you feel better faster. Use healthy coping strategies to process your emotions. You might feel overwhelmed by your feelings at times, and expressing them can help you feel better. Try different coping strategies to figure out what helps you work through your emotions.
For instance, you might do the following:  Call your best friend to vent. Write in your journal. Take a hot bath and listen to relaxing music. Watch your favorite comedy. Go for a walk or run. Do yoga. Express yourself through art. Going through a heartbreak can make you feel like your love has abandoned you. However, you actually have a lot of people around you who love you so much!
Invite them to hang out at home or to do something fun. Instead, focus on the great relationships you have in your life. When your partner cheats, you may try to figure out what you did wrong in the relationship. Practice self care so your needs are met. Right now you probably feel like eating ice cream and binge-watching TV. Additionally, do something nice for yourself every day. Additionally, you might plan simple, healthy meals like yogurt with cut up fruit, a salad with grilled chicken, or a turkey wrap with a side of steamed veggies.
Focus on being happy rather than getting even. Instead of worrying about revenge, do things that make you feel happy. For instance, you might picture yourself ruining his favorite record or putting a dead fish in his car. Method 3. Take time to think over your decisions.
Give yourself time to think about what you really want. Consider what happened, how you feel, and what he said during your conversation. Decide if you can continue the relationship or not. Consider if you feel like you can work through this or not. Then, decide if you want to break up or stay together. Forgive him so you can feel better. Take as much time as you need to forgive. Then, do it so that you feel better, not for him. This will help you move on. Focus on the future if you want to rebuild the relationship.
Do your best to focus on your future together, not your past. Restore the trust you lost when he cheated. Work with him to rebuild your trust by talking every day and spending more time together. Additionally, follow through on your promises and hold him accountable for his. Similarly, if he promises to text you at certain times of the day, text him if he forgets. Break up with him if you decide to end the relationship.
If you make the decision to break up with him, talk to him in person. If he cheats on you continuously, he isn't respecting your relationship. It's unlikely that he's going to stop doing it. It may be best for you to break things off with him so you can meet someone who is faithful to you. Yes No. Not Helpful 0 Helpful 0. I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on Facebook with more than 4 girls. What must I do?